Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
