Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
