Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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