1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize