Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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