I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
