Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
