Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
