I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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