Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I think your dad took our porno
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
