I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
