Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize