When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
