True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
It's no shave November. This is our time.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
