Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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