Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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