No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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