I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I touched a dick in church today
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
