eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
