I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
