Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
