we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I am mentally ready for anal.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
