I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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