I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
