SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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