Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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