Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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