I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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