Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
