Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
