I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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