Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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