You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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