The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
