if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
