OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
