i think my mom watched the whole time
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
