good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize