Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
