yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
