Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
