So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
