We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get the cat blown out
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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