It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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