You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
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Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
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You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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