Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize