I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
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I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
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You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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