I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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