I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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