I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
