Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
