my phone needs a breathalizer
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
