Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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