I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
