Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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