My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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