who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
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Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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