i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Randomize
