Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
