Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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