I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
