i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
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As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
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there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Randomize