Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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