U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
