i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
