Who did Billy Mays play for?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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